Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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