Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
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