my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Randomize
