i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
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