Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Randomize
