He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
You are a genius and a whore.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Come on in and take your pants off
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