only if we run a train.
done.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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