One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I am mentally ready for anal.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
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