k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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