He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
