Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
