my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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