My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Randomize