just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Everclear isn't food dammit
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize