Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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