my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
