I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
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