I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Welp...herpes.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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