And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
