Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
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