You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Randomize
