proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
