I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
