I'm going to jail i love you
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
