What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
