i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
