you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Randomize