i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
