My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
