yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
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