I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Blood and glitter go together right?
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
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