I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
