My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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