So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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