:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
