i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
