Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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