There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
