just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
