Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
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