do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
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