i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
