If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Randomize
