I think im going to throw up on grandma
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
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