Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
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