my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize