Will you blow on my dice?
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
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