Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Randomize
