I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
