I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Randomize
