i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Randomize
