I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
The convent might be a nice break from real life
i am craving dick and cupcakes
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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