I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
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