True but thats because hes a fetus.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Randomize
