I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Randomize
