I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Randomize
