If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Randomize
