brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
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