I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
