im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Randomize
