so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
