Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
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