so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
