I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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